Truth Telling: Should I and How much?

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Halloween a year ago. My Guy on a Buffalo and I were still together. I never felt more beautiful than when we were together. Even with no make-up and messy hair and chapped lips.

Halloween a year ago. My Guy on a Buffalo and I were still together. I never felt more beautiful than when we were together. Even with no make-up and messy hair and chapped lips.

Truth telling is hard. Oh so hard. I feel such a pull to share my experiences with My Guy on a Buffalo but at the same time I do not want to throw him under the bus. I love this man. He is a good man. His behavior towards me was abusive. I believe in using the correct terms. There is power in them. There is freedom. There is truth. But I hate to think of or refer to My Guy on a Buffalo as my “abuser.” Correct term. Doesn’t sit well. Why? Because that is not who. he. is. “Abuser” is not CORE Guy on a Buffalo. I do not want to label him as that. That is not who he is and he can be helped, healed. He can change.

I have this fear. My fear is that if I tell the truth, if I share my experiences (which I feel so pulled to do) that one day he might read them. That it will cause him shame that he might not escape from. That he will not feel worthy of healing or goodness. And he is worthy! Of healing, restoration, redemption! Being honest here: that it might impede any future relationship we might have together.

I recently wrote a POST about listening to those who share stories of abuse because it can save a life. But the abused are not the only ones worthy of being saved. The “abusers” are too. Granted, I am sure there are people out there who are just mean. But I am gonna go out on a limb and also say that most abusers abuse because of addiction or mental illness. We must help them too (Doesn’t mean we should stay in a bad/unsafe situation EVER). We cannot force any one to change, to seek help or be saved. But we can be aware. We can educate ourselves with knowledge and resources. We can also listen… to them.

I dont’t know. I just don’t know.

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2 thoughts on “Truth Telling: Should I and How much?

  1. I am not really at where you are. I have a lot of anger and rage at my abusers. I do not empathize with them yet. I am going through my own stages of recovery and anger and rage are a significant part of that process for me. May be for many years. I do not think it is my job to forgive. I see my job as creating a life that I am worthy of living that is full of kindness, love and my reaching my fullest potential. Good luck with your process.

    • Dear janetcate. Thank you! No need to be where I am. Every journey looks different and that is okay. I have experienced my share of anger. I believe anger is a healthy emotion. I still feel it at times. Anger is a stage of grief and I pass through again and again. Forgiveness is not a cure-all. Its just not. If it was I think more people would strive for it. But forgiveness has its own power and its own strength. I offer this for thought: If you are living a life of kindness, love and reaching fullest potential- I think that includes forgiveness, of self and others. This is a life quest for all people. Janetcate, you are completely worthy of everything beautiful. Of healing. Of the life you want. Thank you for sharing and God bless.

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